Archive for September, 2012

A Child no More

Suddenly, I must look at this person I gave birth to, love,  nurtured in a completely different perspective.

One day, my child is playing in the sand, rolling cars or dressing baby dolls. Without realizing how time has rushed by, I realize I am now looking at a person that I may have given birth to, but has become a unique person of their own making

You, wrapped in a soft blanket,
tiny, tight fist, ready to fight this evil world.
I hold you to my waiting breast
as you unfurl your fist and
hungrily taste life for the first time.

My whispered words to you
as I gazed onto your face
for the very first time-
Hello, little lady, or
There’s my young man.

Now, racing through my mind
come priceless memories,
first smile, first words, first step.
So many new pages
fill your book each day,

Always hoping the story never ends.
I see you growing,
Instars in a journey
that will take you to places
I have never been.

You dance and change
so quickly I can’t keep up,
More amazing with every step.
I see you as a chrysalis,
wanting to soar.

I close my eyes tightly,
Life’s pages ripple by.
I’m afraid to let you go,
Will you stay near,
Will you be here at all?

I watch silently, in awe
with aging, tight fist
as each of you ascends
into your own unique
and always perfect butterfly.

A tear rolls down my cheek,
soft blanket in my arms.
I can no longer hold you,
in those arms, but always
in my heart, my soul, my dreams.

Whether you fly
off into the heavens
or stay near  me
on this earth,
You are, and always will be

The best of me that I could give.

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Life on the Edge

Autumn used to be my favorite time of year, the amazing colors of the deciduous forest, the assortment of multicolored mushrooms, the fall flowers. Four of my kids were born in later summer or early fall. I loved harvesting my garden, the surprise of huge pumpkins, or perfectly shaped candy roasters. The fragrance of herbs filled my senses.

Six years ago, I lost my 5th child, one of my later summer sons. My world changed forever. It has seemed like I have been sitting on the edge of the world, looking for something familiar, comforting, and finding nothing.

I am again enduring serious illness, as I did when I first lost my son. Looking out, daringly over the precipice of life is frightening now. I find no joy, no adventure, no song in my heart.

Take the beauty of life when it presents itself. It may not be there tomorrow. It will never be the same again.

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Vance Birthplace, Weaverville, North carolina

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Inside Vance Birthplace Historical Site, near Weaverville, N.C.

Zebulon Vance was the Civil War Governor of North Carolina

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The slave cabin at Vance Birthplace, near Weaverville, North Carolina

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Inside the upstairs bedrooms at the restored Vance Cabin,

Weaverville, North Carolina

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Visiting a Different Era

 

The Outer Banks

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Double Vision

“I am not a person who thinks in abstract.” I told my doctor. “But when I took that new medicine, I felt as if I were in a room filled with smoke.”

“Hmm.” he replied as he adjusted the stethoscope on my chest. “I have never heard of that kind of reaction to this drug before.”

“I couldn’t tell if it was caused by dizziness, or hallucination.” I continued.

“Have you taken any other medications lately?” The doctor sighed, sounding rather bored.

“No, only this one you subscribed yesterday.”  I answered, knowing my heart was now racing. I felt a panic attach coming on.

“Well, Mrs. Jones,” he replied as he swirled around on his stool. “I imagine it is just a case of vertigo-maybe caused by an ear issue.”

“I’m NOT Mrs. Jones.” I replied as I shuffled off the table, my panic attach  now in full gear.

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A Different Kind of Autumn

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Years ago, I held little hands,
enveloped with sounds of giggles and joy.
I laughed as they threw golden piles of leaves around.
Life seemed so gentle, hopeful, joyous.
Today, Autumns leaves seem to go from green to brown,
New children rush about in a whirlwind,
To busy for leaf piles, laughing, memories that endure time.
I look at myself as rain patters outside the windows.
Where did that time go? My health, my child?
As a tear rolls down my cheek, I vow,
to make a leaf pile, film the excitement of little ones.
To slow the world down, breath in the cool air.
Time will not wait, nor will life, not even hope.
We must find a way to grab hold of today,
And never, ever, let its lessons escape us.

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Early Autumn in the Southern Appalachians

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A Honeybee on a Wild Black Eyed Susan

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Mushrooms are abundant in deciduous forest-this may be a Hygrophorus Milky mushroom

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A family of black bears frequents my aunts yard

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A male and female praying mantis mate amidst the wild asters

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Annual displays of wild purple asters viewed from her kitchen window

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Family reunions remind us of sweet memories

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Heirlooms are passed down through generations

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Making the Model A “zoom to life again!”

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Golden rods still provide nectar for autumn insects

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