Going Home

I felt the sweat pouring down my neck as I waited in line.  The baby was getting fussy. “Acaba de celebrar en unos minutos.”  I whispered to her, as she squirmed in her tiny undershirt and diaper.
My mother and brother were waiting for us in Yuma, just a few miles up the road. Two weeks, I had traveled, walked, dared to hitch a ride with a truck driver, all to get back to the place I had been born.  I had just wanted to see my grandmother one more time before she died.

The door of the bus open, cool air rushed on us. I was going home!

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24 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    billgncs said,

    a good story…. reminds me of the movie “El Norte” that I saw so long ago.

  2. 5

    brudberg said,

    Love the subtle story behind the lines. Almost a life-story super condensed.

  3. 6

    janet said,

    BeeBee, what a pleasurable story about real people and their lives and loves!

  4. 8

    Sandra Bennett said,

    Great little window on others’ lives…Very enjoyable and easy to envision !

  5. 10

    Nicely done. I’m so glad she got a break from the heat so grandma could see her and the baby. A nice aw.w.w moment.

  6. 11

    Hi BB,
    An excellent journey, a complete story, backstory, present and future. There are some similarities with my story. Well done! Ron

  7. 13

    Cindy Marsch said,

    Beautiful capture of all the details I can just relive with your character–especially the little baby things and the rush of cold air from the bus! Great job.

    My silly thing is here: http://wrasselings.blogspot.com/2012/10/friday-fictioneers-day-trip.html

  8. 15

    Sandra said,

    There was a good sense of arriving at the last leg of a long journey here. Nicely done.

  9. 17

    A lot of feeling in a few words. Good job.

  10. 20

    Lora said,

    I wish her luck. It’s always difficult traveling with an infant. Hope she makes it home in time to see her grandmother.

  11. 21

    rich said,

    a lovely family thought as thanksgiving approaches. i wonder if it could be a little more powerful without the exclamation point at the end. i say that because it’s not a great, happy, exciting reason they’re going home. grandmother is barely hanging on. might be better if it were more somber. just my opinion of course. not my story.

  12. 22

    writeondude said,

    Very good. I could feel that cool air flowing out of the bus when the door opened.

  13. 23

    dmmacilroy said,

    Going home against Sinclair Lewis’ advice? Good for her. A great little story and as I often do, i agree with Rich.

    Aloha,

    Doug


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