A Tale of Two Losses

ImageI have lost a child, a teen with his life and future ahead of him.
It broke me-my body, soul and spirit.
And then there was you-mom.
When my son, I lost what I dreamed of,
With you, I lost the chance to really know you.
You were private, you kept things to yourself.
You had just began to tell me the things
that made you who you were-
I keep thinking that if you had told me, sooner,
it would have saved me so much pain.
Never-I loathe that word. Never again.
Today I put flowers on two graves -yours and his.
I am sickened by what my life has become.
It has never been as I dreamed,
And often been nearly unbearable.
It seems others take loss and go on with life.
I don’t understand it and never will.
How can others go on with what made life a joy?
When I am  forced to exist without what made me live at all.

 

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16 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Robyn Lee said,

    Love to you beebee ~ so very painful ~ blessings and wishes for love and light for you… x R

  2. 3

    Imelda said,

    Hugs and warm wishes to you beebee.

  3. 6

    “It seems others take loss and go on with life. I don’t understand it and never will.“

    We developed a machinery receiving its powers from a „life goes on“ philosophy. It is in our heads and hearts. There is no place for those who want to dance around a fire to call the ancient or natural spirits anymore. Neither the mystic of grief nor the magic of tears will be granted a place in our society for too long. It will pay no dividends.

    I like that you are not willing to let others tell you when it is enough. I admire your powers to do so and hope that you will be rewarded for it one day!

    • 7

      beebeesworld said,

      Danke, Frank, es ist wirklich schwierig, wenn die Leute sagen, dass deine Gefühle “falsch” sind, versuchen. Solange sie sonst niemanden verletzen, sind sie nicht ein elses Geschäft. Schreibt, nachdem ich meine E-Mails zu überprüfen und sehen, ob es ein von der silbenschmie

  4. 8

    It’s hard to understand an experience until it’s experienced. I’ve endured great losses. Although not of a child, they have been painful to me, took me a long long time to not dwell in one of them in particular. For those, I’ve loved deeply and lost, the pain surfaces and subsides, and with differing intensity resurfaces. It has been a process, and in some surfacing moments the intensity is just as severe as if it just happened, no idea how or why. Who can possibly answer this? I sure can’t. Sending you love and warm thoughts. Paulette

  5. 11

    heartfelt tribute, Brenda. Hugs to you :-)

  6. 12

    beebeesworld said,

    Thanks, readinpleasure.

  7. 13

    You have endured way too many losses…Bless you. I too have lost a grandchild at birth….the pain is still searing like it was yesterday. I think about my angel in heaven everyday. Faith is the only thing that keeps me strong. I hope you too have this in your life. Your poetry is such an art.
    Laurie

    • 14

      beebeesworld said,

      My faith was pretty much shattered when I lost my son-long story-I wont go there, but I am fortunate to still have a big family of kids and grands. The worst is that my son died from negligence-there is no reason he should not have gotten help in time. Thanks for reading-best wishes, beebee

  8. 15

    Holding you in my heart. x

  9. 16

    hello, ms. beebeesworld… my heart goes out to you, across the distance. let’s hope for better days ahead. hope time will help heal. hugs! ~ San


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