Has the sun risen, once more amidst the constant storms, clouds, ominous warnings that life will not be easy or fair? Or is this moment just another tiny window, opened only for a microsecond to make me think that for even a moment my life will be like other people’s seem to be-like life should be? I believed-was taught to believe. Afraid not to believe that hard work brings about success more often than failure. Earnest prayers prayed for years and promises I have kept for years are not trashed along with my life and so much of what I have worked for. For once, have I done something small that will not crash and burn before it even gets off the ground? Only time will ’. and I am deeply afraid of the answer, considering the way I have been treated in the past.
Nothing can fix the wrongs I have endure, the losses I have suffered, the pain that is my life, yet, still, I cling to the imagination that somehow, things will at least work better from now on. That at least my efforts will be acknowledged. That simply waking up will bring another crisis or closing my eyes in hope of sleep will not bring another nightmare, leaving me waiting for its interpretation and ultimate reality?
I wait, anxiously, fearfully to see, knowing that the scars will still be there, the pain simply part o who I am and must always e. I envy those whose trivial complaints ruin their lives, yet pity them for their ignorance of what life could be. Beebeesworld, such as it is, continues for now, like a child, still hoping for fairness, honestly a damn break. To be continued-I hope.