Heartbreak

I am so tired, exhausted, empty
From writing sad poems
about my lost son.
Tired of crying when I read all the kind comments,
The expressions of compassion.

I don’t want to write about
my dead son-
Don’t want to see this as my best work.
I’m so worn out from
looking at his pictures
and screaming, “Why?” “Why my baby?”

But I find myself there,
in that empty. lonely place,
every night, especially at night.
And I find comfort in the words
of kindness others take the time
to pass on to me.

I welcome the inspiration, the prompts
To write about something else.

I dry my tears again and cannot find rest.

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20 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    boomiebol said,

    I am so sorry you feel this way. Praying for better, stronger days…i don’t know if this helps but years after my mom’s death I wrote something to myself, here is it “Beautiful memories help to keep you forever in our hearts. There is pain in the beauty, but we stay forever assured that you at rest…in Heaven’s bliss”

    Keep staying strong. I know your son would want that. Big hugs and love

    • 2

      beebeesworld said,

      its different with a child lost suddenly I can see that my mom was old, tired, my son had everything to live for -it killed me, changed everything, As I said in this prose, i love it when someone inspires me to think of, write about something else…thanks for your support and kindness, boomie beebee

  2. 3

    Robyn Lee said,

    I can only can send you love and prayers beebee ~ write your heart – write your son’s heart ~ write whatever gives you peace and comfort and whatever you feel might make him smile as he reads along with us…. I do believe the energy life is eternal, i know you feel his presence too… Much Love

  3. 4

    billgncs said,

    I would say that he had good years and times, celebrate some of those. Share some of the laughter you had with him, or things he loved.

    Then, find something beautiful you love, a painting, a frog, a person and celebrate that. Maybe you can only sustain a haiku, but start there.

  4. 5

    (((hugs))) I have no words that can begin to comfort you, but I hope your spirit finds peace and acceptance.

  5. 6

    bigsmileu1 said,

    Prayers and thoughts are being sent your way. 🙂

  6. 7

    Beth Richardson said,

    I first want to say that Initials in the Infield was awsome. You will write what your heart tells you to write. He feels you, Make him happy. (HUGS)

  7. 8

    Karmic Diva said,

    keep writing and I pray you will find peace

  8. 9

    HUGS from another Hippie Smile you have wonderful memories of your child.
    Write about how special he was, his talents, his smiles and how he loved you. Do not hide him Do not dismiss the love you had for each other it was REAL
    Be kind to yourself you were his Mommy.
    I have a child I have never known.
    No memories except birth
    He is all grown now and I can relate with you in a much different way
    I love and miss him so much
    but he is GONE
    He is hers
    So you and I sit sad and alone two different stories for sure but the loss hurts so bad I swear it is why I spend my days surrounding myself with the beautiful things God places before each day. You as well for he gave you US who listen to you spill your heart out on your blogs we all shed a tear for you and your son and the loss.
    I am so sorry but for me it is 35 years and I still hurt so bad when I allow myself to GO THERE so I will not promise you it will get better with time it will not we have to though it is why we wake each day.
    HUGE HUG
    Eunice

  9. 10

    Sandra Bennett said,

    Be assured that he is pleased with the strides you have made…Those around you can see it. You are finding yourself…and that’s the mother he knew. His love remains with you, forever.

  10. 11

    Oster's Mom said,

    You are such a strong woman, beebee! My prayers go out to you. If I could give you 1,000 hugs I would. Please know that you have so many people who care about you and believe in what you do.

  11. 12

    SomerEmpress said,

    Write about what keeps you…here…writing…inspired. 🙂

  12. 14

    beebeesworld said,

    Thank you all for your kind comments-im taking a few days of of writing-just not quite able to concentarate-hope to be inspired siin!

  13. 16

    russtowne said,

    I’m glad to hear that you are taking/took some time off to take care of yourself, beebee. My thoughts are with you at this time.

    Russ

  14. 20

    Marlien said,

    A million thanks for posting this inotomafirn.


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