Beebeesworld-such as it is.

Has the sun risen, once more amidst the constant storms, clouds, ominous warnings that life will not be easy or fair? Or is this moment just another tiny window, opened only for a microsecond to make me think that for even a moment my life will be like other people’s seem to be-like life should be? I believed-was taught to believe. Afraid not to believe that hard work brings about success more often than failure. Earnest prayers prayed for years and promises I have kept for years are not trashed along with my life and so much of what I have worked for.  For once, have I done something small that will not crash and burn before it even gets off the ground?  Only time will ‘. and I am deeply afraid of the answer, considering the way I have been treated in the past.

Nothing can fix the wrongs I have endure, the losses I have suffered, the pain that is my life, yet, still, I cling to the imagination that somehow, things will at least work better from now on.  That at least my efforts will be acknowledged.  That simply waking up will bring another crisis or closing my eyes in hope of sleep will not bring another nightmare, leaving me waiting for its interpretation and ultimate reality?

I wait, anxiously, fearfully to see, knowing that the scars will still be there, the pain simply part o who I am and must always e. I envy those whose trivial complaints ruin their lives, yet pity them for their ignorance of what life could be.  Beebeesworld, such as it is, continues for now, like a child, still hoping for fairness, honestly a damn break. To be continued-I hope.


13 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    howanxious said,

    Keep on sharing your feelings.. your thoughts.. You have a wonderful soul, for which I really admire you! Keep on fighting.. keep on living..

  2. 2

    billgncs said,

    hang in there, the love you give to another, or even the smallest of kindnesses you do could be the pebble to start the landslide to change the world.

  3. 3

    kiaman2012 said,

    Thank you for sharing! I too, feel exactly the same. I wish you the very best. You are entitled to nothing less!

  4. 4

    Life is so so so hard, isn’t it? I feel for you, dear.

    I understand what pain feels like. It hurts like triple hell.

    Sending you LOTS of love from Minnesota.

  5. 5

    Judy said,

    Dearest Brenda, your honest feelings are understandable. You’ve endured enough heartbreak – but we know that with random tragedy that is no guarantee of protection from future pain. You are on a healing path. I believe that “thoughts equal feelings” – simply looking toward the future with hope is a beautiful thing. I also believe that when you look for something – you will find it. You are not looking for more tragedy. You are looking for a break. Each day is precious with those we love. Keep up your hope, because the pain will soften one day. I sense less anger and more resignation. You are moving forward. Never to leave you son’s memory behind, but to carry him with you into a new existence.

  6. 6

    beebeesworld said,

    Thank you all for your kind comments and feeding my blog that was simply a way of letting off steam._i hope my creative genes will get back on board soon! beebee

  7. 7

    Your open and honest heart touches me with every post. Much love..♥ paula

  8. 8

    Brenda my friend, I feel your pain more than I want to really…but please know you are doing well you are grieving still just a different stage. Whee you are at now is close to acceptance, doesn’t make it any easier only menas you are accepting there isn’t anything you can do to change the past. As long as you can write about your pain you ae healing and if it is rant and rave or guilt or pity for your self it is all okay you have lost a child and you have the right to grieve in any way you want, I am just glad you are moving forward. Love and prayers. 23 days will be two years for me. I am having tough time right now too.

  9. 10

    Sandra Bennett said,

    In sharing your trials and errors, you have become a guidepost to others who are making their way along life’s often treacherous pathways… Strength, Courage, Hope, and Love, to you…

  10. 11

    Love to read what you have to say, Brenda. Holding you in my heart. Paulette

  11. 12

    nutsfortreasure said,

    Best of luck heading down to you
    HUG Too

  12. 13

    i love this for its honesty… 🙂 hello, ms. beebeesworld. thanks for the visit and please do keep well…

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