Apathy- Haibun Challenge

I lost a precious, healthy 15-year-old while he was playing ball seven years ago. At first there were the disgusting “grief addicts” who actually came to my door and introduced themselves, all to give their “condolences”. I got critically ill because of his death, and felt that everyone was already “over” feeling sorry for my family. Life went on for everyone but me, even in my family, and I understand, I really do, but it still hurt-it hurts today when no one remembers the day and I feel like I am dying.

Some of my kids had just married, some married soon after, I’m now expecting my 7th grandchild when I had none when I lost my son. I lived, after finally convincing doctors that it wasn’t “just grief” (grief is a “JUST??”By that time, they told me I had three weeks to live. I have continued to be ill, Suffer from the results of misdiagnosis, (which, along with inadequate slow medical care, cost my son his life).

I live in pain, physical and emotional. Apathy is real, but I am afraid it is true that we cannot bear the burden for everyone-perhaps a select few. The agony of it would kill us. Even temporary condolence, even an occasional, “I remember” is nice. I suppose that is all we can expect.


9 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Grief is a hard to “recover” from. It may last forever. Best to just take one day at a time. Escape is only temporary.
    sending love, Eddie

  2. 2

    I hope you are okay now my dear…. you should open your eyes widely to see that the life did not finished… you meet your son in heaven … be strong for your others kids they need you …..be a happy mam for them… all the best

  3. 3

    I vowed never again to say I’m sorry to one who’s gone under in grief. Words could never touch the pain.

    You might see I understand just a bit of your heartache. Just a bit:



  4. 4

    Ye Pirate said,

    You named that very well – “the grief addicts” that is really the right term. I hate it, and I know what you mean. Keep posting. Your words are not wasted. If you are not linked up can link you to the haibun link. Try a haiku also, to end it, I think the process of writing them is an honest one. Your blog marches on. Well done. There are those like me who respect that very much.

    • 5

      beebeesworld said,

      I had never heard of the halibun challenge-I don’t know if I signed up for it or not-if you have the link, send it to me please, and thanks for reading and commenting. beebeesworld

  5. 6

    nightlake said,

    Hope you are doing better now

  6. 7

    thanks for your honesty
    emotional pain can kill us and unfortunately I think in the end we are the only ones who can pull out of the nose dive
    I know what you are expressing and have felt what you are suffering (the cause was different)
    write put you grief on paper
    and let people in their feeble way love and hug you
    please take care

  7. 8

    bert0001 said,

    I have seen my own grandmother suffer after my mother, her only child, had died, ‘too young’. I think that this memory shares something of what you feel. All suffering is different, but at the same time, suffering brings us together, when sharing the fragments of our sadness.

  8. 9

    Beautifully written.
    Immensely moving.
    No other words.

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