As The Blossoms Shed in April

 

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I think of you, in the beauty of spring,

blossoms falling from the flowering plums like pink snow…

The gurgling waters after a spring rain,

Seeing a flower raise its head above the soil.

 

I should be thinking of what summer holds-

for you-for your life, of what you deserved to have,

Instead, I kneal in the cool rain, asking why?

Why were you taken with no warning?

 

You, so good, so handsome, so loved.

Why did those who should have helped you, fail you-

Fail your family-why? A few words misspoken-

The wrong directions to 911-too much time for your heart.

 

I wear a badge forever now-“angel mom”-

Finally a word for what I am ,when none existed.

A widow-no, an orphan-no, just a woman

emploding with pain because you aren’t here.

 

I touch your photo each time I pass,

I hear your brother struggle to remember-

I wipe the tears from aging cheeks,

Youth lost amidst the ignorance and negligence.

 

You should be here-there was time.

I feel that when everyone failed you, failed me-

I should have pushed them away and known

That I had to be your heart until they came.

 

I want to see you as the young man you should be-

Hear your deeper laugh, see your young love grow.

I want the grandchildren you should have given me-

To hear them play, and smile-like you.

 

These things were stolen and cannot be replaced,

All I have left inside me is grief and anger,

That help was so close but did not know-

That someones world was dying while they waited.

 

I beg for you to come at night to comfort me,

But you are always young-knowing still,

That you will not grow old with your siblings.

Come to me as you should be-a man-strong, invincible.

 

Yesterday, I thought I felt you walking beside me.

I knew I could relish that feeling freely,

But was not allowed to look at your face,

I took a deep breath and was filled with your presence.

10 Responses so far »

  1. 2

    Judy said,

    Brenda, this is so beautiful – it made me cry. Andrew is indeed beside you and it touched me so much how you breathed in his presence. What a sweet man he was; the world lost so much when he died. But his mother’s broken heart goes on and carries anguish of missing him every single day.

  2. 3

    Dakshi said,

    Lovely shades…

  3. 4

    Such an immense outpouring of love, even through your pain and tears. I sense, somehow, that your ability to summon strength to carry on has to be sent from your son.

  4. 5

    Sandra Bennett said,

    He is still in the universe, same as you….and I believe you will gaze upon his smile once again. In the meantime, his presence is indeed with you.

  5. 6

    Elizabeth Moore said,

    I’m heart-broken for you, dear, Brenda. No words can I speak to make it ” alright”. I can only say that my mother lost a son and another son, that did not pass but was forever changed by the negligence of another. These were my brother’s and my grief still remains. I will forever be with you in spirit, as your dear, sweet son, Andrew, is and always has been, since that fatefull day. I wish I could bear some of your pain for you, to lift your burden and lighten your heart but this can not be. All I can offer you is my love.

  6. 8

    mommermom said,

    I am deeply moved….


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