Posts tagged nightmares

Sleepless Night

Its 2a.m. darkness and
Cobwebs fill my head.
What am i going to do?
I have nothing left here,
No hope, no dreams to hold,
Only pain and fear-like vampires
They feed and leave me empty.

Where did i go wrong?
Did i love too much-
Care too much?
Did i put to much
Of my damaged soul
Out there to be shattered?

All the things i used to
Cling to, have been taken.
What matters to me so much
Is a joke now to others.

Why am i here? Darkness,silence
Why don’t the ones
Who cause the pain hurt like i do?
I needed that sleep-
The alarm doesn’t care.

Another day in hell-black candles
Flickering, yet,Lost,waiting for the
Love i gave my life for over and over.
Just let me go,blow the candle out
Or make them feel the pain like i do.

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Morning Scare

I am shaking, tears stain my cheeks, my heart throbbing. Running to his room, I think, “Oh, it was just a dream,” then, realize it wasn’t. What scares me most is the truth.

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The End of Her Dream

Corrina admitted to herself that she had scanned the obituaries for year, hoping, silently that his name would not be there.  It had been over half her lifetime since the less that two years they spent together, but those two years had changed her, made her what she was, Today, so was that short column in the obituaries, a story of life after her, of a few short years when he had tried to settle down, have a family, be free of his demons.

Her most daring adventures, were with him, her look into a world she had no idea existed were during her time with him.. The lights of LA from San Bernardino, the distant curves of the San Juan from a pull-off on the edge of a cliff.  Eating burgers from a grill in the forest by the side of a road.  saving a secret souvenir found among the shacks and shadows near those Mississippi tenant farms.

She remembered the big cities up north, staying with French-speaking Canadians with snow piled high on the road side in late April. She remembered the fear from some of the things that happened there,and from some that happened nearer to home.

There were things Corinna  did, and did well, in  that long ago day, that she can not imagine even trying, now as a grandmother. In  these few years and in all the ones after, she was always hoping he had  loved her like she lived him,though  in her heart of hearts, she knew he never did.  No the for even kind, maybe the for now kind.

His family was good to her when she was not close to her own,  She still smiled, when she thought of her visits wit them, after he left and they still hoped they hoped he would go back to her. He didn’t.

Time went on, life went on, they had separate lives, a few strange connections, accidental ,meetings with each other,  family members, a silent pain in the quick conversations, always a feeling of “what if…”

Corinna had countless dreams of him, he made her, but never knew it.  Why did  she often dream of him, crazy dreams, a little too real, instead of dreaming of the man she spent her life with smiled and suffered so many years with.  She didn’t know.

Tonight, the dreams were different. There was no quiet ending, no sad goodbye, no answer to the “what if…”.  The dreams-no, nightmares, were surreal, unimaginable.  She woke up shaking, her heart thumping, time after. time.

Corinna was miserable, She finally told her daughters, one who knew a lot about those days and the younger,  who knew only  little, why she was in such a strange mood. She had to think of a way to find out what happened why, who was thee, who had been by his side.

Finally, she though of an answer.  A bit crazy, but probably not unwelcome.  There was one person who would care that she still cared and tomorrow, she would write an old fashioned letter, never knowing if it would be answered or not.

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Halloween Hearts

I planted a seed and from it grew,
A giant, beautiful golden fruit.
I couldn’t bear to cut in apart,
Rather, I gently began to carve,
A ghostly tree, a moon gliding past.
A gravestone  with memories of the past.
A wisp of a cloud above the tall tree-
A witch on her broom-perhaps it is me!
We gather and smile, admiring our art,
Filling our nightmares and Halloween hearts.

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Nightmares

She was running through the woods, the full moon gave every tree a haunting shadow.

“Where was he?” she wondered, as she tried to run on the path so the leaves crunching under her feet could not be heard.

He laughed as he watched her from the river bank. “How silly that she thought he didn’t know where she was.”

She stopped, panting and slid down to the edge of the river bank, cupping her hands in the water to find a little relief for her thirst.

He wasn’t 20 feet way, just behind a rock. A sudden shift in the stones below his feet echoed loudly in the shadows.

She sat up, with a start, in her own bed, in her own safe room. Her heart was thumping inside her.  She noticed her hands were wet, and tried to remember the dream.

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A Voice and a Shadow

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A breeze will rush through my hair,
 And I feel your hand upon me.
I hear you calling me
In the silence of night, in a crowded room.

I will feel your presence beside me,
Almost see you, knowing if I turn to look.
 The place you should be will be empty,
Empty like my soul, longing , pleading for you.

I hear a teens voice, and turn startled,
Hoping beyond hope that it’s you
And the nightmare is over.
You are here and I am well.

My body shakes, I feel sick in side-
 You wouldn’t be a teen now.
I should be hearing the voice of a man,
Feel the strong touch of a man.

At night, I lay my head if long curls
On a soft pillow and cry out your name.
Waiting, hoping you will find
a way to break through the walls of time
 And come to me, save me, love me.

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